This January 15th when I was coming home from the cemetery, a cat ran in
front of me on the drive home. I slammed on my breaks and instead of
cussing, I started laughing at the thought of Heide and all of her cats. I
didn't hit the cat and I just sat there for awhile. This was only one sign
that she is still all around us.

As I started back to school after Christmas break, I sort of had a different
way about me. After a couple years of having classes that pretty much
sucked the life out of me on a daily basis, I find myself with a small class
of innocent, naive little 5th graders. There are always a couple stinkers
in every class, but I find myself suddenly having an amazing amount of
patience with them. Instead of driving me crazy, they make me laugh. I
make it a point to talk with different students as we walk down the hallway
about life outside of school. Sometimes we talk about swim practice, or
weekend with Dad, or the special birthday meal that is planned for that
night. I also find a moment each day to talk with each student about their
writing, or what book they are reading, or how their multiplication facts
are coming along. Teachers do these things everyday, to a point. They may
reach some students daily, but somehow I have suddenly found the desire and
energy to reach each of my students every day in this way. I am sure this
is how Heide treated her students every day that she arrived at work.
Somehow I am feeling her energy.

I also got the best complement from a teacher friend. She had just seen the
picture memorial in the Oregonian and the Argus and commented on how I am
starting to look more and more like her as I get older. My buddy has known
me for 10 years and has noticed a change in my facial features. Maybe its
just stress from teaching!

This same buddy of mine was talking to her class about her mom who may be
dying and how she may have to suddenly leave for a couple days to go see
her. She just wanted them to be prepared if she was gone without warning.
Then out of the blue, a little girl in her class said, "My teacher died.
Her name was Mrs. Hill." My buddy started shaking and asked her if she went
to Rock Creek Elementary. Sure enough, the little girl was in Heide's class
for 2 years. These would have been the years that Heide was battling the
cancer feverishly and wore the scarves to school. The little girl was
shocked that Mrs. Hill's sister was in the classroom next door. I found out
about this after school so I can't wait to talk with her next week about
what she remembers from those 2 years.

Heide is in my heart as I work hard every day to teach a classroom of 5th
graders and mother 3 cuddly kids of my own. When I am exhausted, I think of
her and how she was able to do all that AND have a spotless house AND make
cookies all the time. Maybe these 2 latter skills will be infused into me
next year. One step at a time.
I miss her so much and just try to remember her in some way every day.

Julie,
tired-all-the-time-teacher-and-mother-of-three-aka-Heide's-sister