The Essence of Heide

I am Jim's brother and Heide's brother-in-law. Jim asked me to speak today not because I necessarily knew Heide anymore or any better than others, but because I was the closest family member that he thought could actually make it through a talk about Heide today. While I am not so sure Jim was right about me making it through, it felt so good to sit down and think about Heide while I wrote down these thoughts. I am grateful to have been given the opportunity.

As Jim's brother, I have been blessed with the opportunity to be around Heide for nearly 25 years. My first knowledge of Heide was when she was 16. I remember the age well, because it was my age at the time, and my gruff 20 year old construction worker brother was telling me he had his eye on this young girl. He explained to me how she was the daughter of his older wood-cutting friend, Joe Kosmalski. He also said how he had gone out with her older sister Paula a couple of times. The situation seemed awfully complicated to me, and unlikely to lead to anything but trouble for Jim (especially with Joe). However, it was clear that Jim was absolutely enamored by Heide from the first time he was in a room with her. Jim moved very slowly and carefully in building his relationship with the much younger Heide, which ultimately led to the unbelievably strong and loving relationship between them, and the special family we have today with Jordan and Morgan.

As I was writing down these thoughts, I pondered how Jim could have possibly known from just a few casual encounters with Heide, this 16 year old girl could be such a special person and perfect partner for him. The answer came to me almost immediately. Even back then, Jim could not help but recognize and feel the Essence of Heide.

When I speak of the Essence of Heide, I am sure all of you that have spent time with her know what I am talking about. However, I thought I would make an attempt to describe the Essence of Heide in words.

Webster's dictionary defines essence as " the individual, real or ultimate name of a thing -- as opposed to its existence." When you think about Heide's essence, or her ultimate nature, just a few of the words that come to mind are:

kind, gently, compassionate, smiling, loving, helping, caring, ...giving, giving, giving. And if I had to pick just one word that best describes Heide it would be SPECIAL. Special sister-in-law in my case, special aunt, special daughter-in-law, special teacher, special friend, special sister, special daughter, special wife and special mother. Just simply special.

Family is another word that defines Heide. Family was the most important part of life to Heide. She grew up in a loving him surrounded by her three sisters, Paula, Julie and Gail, and her mom and dad, Claudia and Joe, and lost of extended family. Her bonds with this family remained incredibly strong throughout her life, and she modeled those strong family ties as she and Jim made their own family. Nothing was more important to Heide than her girls Jordan and Morgan, or as most of us refer to as Jo and Mo. Heide made certain these girls have been surrounded by love and lots of aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins just like when she was growing up. I'm sure that she felt great comfort knowing that her girls will have so much family in their lives.

As I thought what to say about Jim and Heide's relationship, my mind focused on love and romance. It goes without saying that there have been no stronger love between the two. What some of you might not know is the incredible romance that they had in their lives. For all of the gruffness and toughness that my brother Jim has, I don't know anyone or any couple that experienced more true romance than Jim and Heide. While many of us, including myself, look to great places and activities in which to spend time with our partners, all Jim and Heide needed (or truly wanted) was each other and anight or weekend at a simple northwest destination hotel. Forget about getting on planes or cruises and going to far away places, all they wanted was to be together.

OK, I think the hard part is over. I know Heide would want us to be smiling at her funeral not crying, so I would like to finish up with a few more light-hearted reflections of the Essence of Heide.

I'll start by saying a couple of words, that when assigned to most people might be viewed as an insult, but when assigned to Heide, are part of what makes her so special. The two words: simple and naive. Have you ever known anyone, particularly as intelligent as Heide, who knew so little about things like politics, business, and crime? I should probably add geography to that list as well. Whether intentional or not, I believe one of Heide's most special gifts was to be able to block out all of these kinds of things that can poison a mind and a spirit. There is no way that anyone could have had the energy and spirit to be the always positive, always caring, always giving person that Heide was, if burdened by these outside things. Heide was anything but simple and naive when it came to all of the important things in her life and all of the people that she touched.

That said, the simple and naive side of Heide did provide us with some great moments. Kristin Parker was telling me the other day about the time Heide spotted a penguin on the Oregon Coast! That must have been quite a discovery. And Jim would always get a kick out of Heide talking about driving Down to Seattle, and Up to California. Our family delighted in the gentle ribbing that went on between Jim and Heide about such things, that invariably ended up with Heide saying "Jiiiiim," followed by her wonderful laugh. I'm sure that anyone that spent much time with Heide at all, has a few such good memories of their own.

In summary, I would like to leave everyone with this thought. Going back to the definition of essence, it is described as "the individual, real or ultimate nature of a thing - this as opposed to existence." Therefore while the physical existence may be gone, the Essence of Heide will never leave us.

God Bless The Teachers

and God Bless Pamelajean, and SallyJo, may she rest in peace. It is a tribute to a person who makes a lasting impression while on earth, and the church at your Celebration of Life is overflowing and your many friends stand up and speak eloquently about your life and your impact.

Our children are so lucky.

~Carrie~

With Jim's permission, I am pleased to reprint words spoken at Heide's service:

I’ve always said that Heide was the best one out of the four Kosmalski daughters. Paula and Gail agree. Mom and Dad say that is not true and we are all special. But then again, they are the parents, and have to say that. Every day I strive to be half the person Heide was, and I still don’t even come close.

Heide let nothing stand in her way of giving all that she had to the people around her. Soon after her weekly chemo treatments, she would be over at my house helping me take care of my newborn twins. I would get tired watching her flit around the house in a marathon cleaning expedition. Aside from the importance of having a clean house, I learned that our family gives us the inner strength we need in our life’s challenges whether it is twins or cancer.

I’ve always thought that if friendly aliens visited our world, and each family had to put forth their best representation of the human race, it would be Heide. She modeled the essence of the perfect human being. Heide was the eternal optimist who never gave up and taught me to se hope in every situation. I also learned to look for ways to help those around me and put other’s needs ahead of mine since selfishness was an act Heide never knew how to display. Finally, I learned to enjoy all the goodness in my life and to live in eh moment each and every day. Heide knew how to live a fulfilling life and celebrate the good things God gave her.

Now, onto Heide’s many roles she played in her life, the first one being Cat Woman. While we are smashing bugs and chasing feral cats away, Heide let Jordan collect bugs in the house! She also welcomed wild cats into her home, as freaky as they are. I think God needed Heide to take care of his animals. We all know how she was so scared of our dog Benny that she carried dog treats in her car to fend him off while visiting Mom and Dad. Well, Benny is probably chasing her around right now with God chuckling at her kid-like spontaneity.

Heide was the mother to us all. Maybe this is what led her to God so early. She spent her whole life nurturing all the people around her that she forgot to take care of herself. In a crowded mall or at Race for the Cure, there stands Heide, arm raised, waiting for all us to form a line and follow. Us adult chicklets mustn’t get lost you know. Near the end. While lying on the couch drinking carrot juice, she’s calling out homework and chore lists to Jordan and Morgan. Maybe God was tired of disorganized people and needed to apply a little order to Heaven.

Heide was the consummate teacher. Aside from her family, the most important people in her life were the twenty-some dumplings she imparted a love of learning on each year. Her students meant the world to her and she scheduled her chemo appointments at a time that was best for them, not best for Heide. Adult students still talk about what she meant to them and how she changed their lives. Now Heide is surrounded by a multitude of amazing teachers who can glean new ideas off each other and continue their passion for teaching.

We will all miss Heide dearly and the pain of her absence will be here for a long while. But, I learned a lesson from my 3-year-old last Thursday. Upon one of my crying bouts and conversations with Wyatt, he said to me:

“Mom, I will not miss My Heide because she is in Heaven with God.”

“But Wyatt, I will not be able to see her every day if I want to.”

“Well maybe you and me can go visit My Heide and God in Heaven.”

But Wyatt, how will we get to Heaven?”

He then lifted his arms and waved them while saying, “maybe we could ask the butterflies to give us a ride.”

At this point, I knew Heide’s wisdom and curiosity were imbedded deep into my son, and I would only need to look into his eyes to see Heide every day of my life.

~Julie

I spent time with Heide in the beginning of January and we
talked and cried about what lay ahead. I had come to visit and help care
for her. Her grace healed me. I treasure the many memories I and my family
have of Heide, Jim and the girls.

~Your loving cousin-Bonnie

Heide took on many roles during her life - mother, sister, teacher, friend.
The one role that she would never assign herself because she would instantly
turn red, is that of hero. Yes, Heide is my hero. I can't even listen to
Bette Midler's song, "Wind Beneath my Wings" and not think of her. Below
are listed the Top 10 Reasons Heide is my Hero:

10. Heide looked cancer in the face and told it that it was not going to
destroy her spirit.
9. She took her daughters under her wing and taught them to be little
ladies. Sorry, Jim, Mo and Jo are their mother's daughters, not daddy's
girls!
8. Baking cookies, holding a baby, sweeping the floor, and writing thank you
notes -- all at the same time!
7. She gives out that stern look often, yet it was ALWAYS followed by a
smile.
6. Turning off the badness in the world and turning on, full blast, all that
REALLY matters in this world is what Heide did best.
5. Heide found her soul mate early on and never strayed from his side.
That's 20something years of ignoring all her sisters' ribbings and always
with a grand smile.
4. I could never have job shared with her because her students would beg for
me to be sick and her to work full time! Please Mrs. Hill don't leave us
alone with her!
3. Heide knew how to pull the family together in any sort of crisis while
dismissing her own worries regarding cancer. Isn't that what Jesus would
do??????????
2. Wherever Heide went, she learned from her surroundings. Whoever Heide
met, she taught them something and boosted their self confidence.

And the Number 1 reason Heide is my Hero is the way she cuddled and
cherished my babies every day of their young little lives. All three of
them felt her warmth and heard her gentle voice. All three of them thought
she was the next best thing to Mom, or did they really know the difference?
All three of them will learn of Heide's legacy with the help of their family
and will one day ask, "Mom, will you tell me another story about Auntie
Heide?"

Heide Marie
Loving Mother
Devoted Wife
Cherished Daughter
Inspiring Sister
Beloved Teacher
My Hero
Heide Marie

Always,
Julie